Catching Up

As always, the first order of business is the daily sketch:

20200104_124331.jpgI am, shockingly, pretty happy with how this one turned out.  I did this one after breakfast, while sipping my coffee; it was a bit more time consuming because it was a larger sketch than the previous ones and took up a full half-page in my sketchbook, edge to edge; plus, the curlicues that represented the flowers at a distance took longer to do than I expected.  I’m especially in love with how the rows of flowers have definite height; I was really worried about how I was going to do that, but the vertical borders along each row acting as stems really give them both surprising height and depth.

Today was a day of catching up.  I went to the gym today for the first time in what has to be several months.  Getting myself there is often a struggle — there’s a part of me that, even if I’m doing nothing of consequence (or flat-out doing nothing) feels like I’m being torn from something exquisitely important in order to get in a workout.  But once I’m there, once I’m on the treadmill, or the elliptical, or the bike, once I’m up and moving and my podcasts are playing, and I’m in the groove, man, sometimes I just don’t want to leave.

And I know this — I know my problem is inertia, that initiating a task is difficult for me, that once I can push past that and actually start, it inevitably moves smoothly, and beautifully, and fulfillingly, and I’ll feel a hundred times better having gone than I would have having not.  And yet, it continues to be a battle with myself.  But I can only fight it one day at a time, and hope the wins outweigh the losses in the end.  I did 15 minutes on the treadmill, 20 on the elliptical, and 10 on the bike (a shorter workout than usual because my husband and son were next door grocery shopping and we were all riding back together), but I felt amazing afterwards.  I need to remember that feeling.

I’d also been texting back-and-forth with my friend Melissa for the last two days as well; she had last texted me prior to the holiday break, asking about my schedule and the possibility of getting together, and then we both just sort of… forgot about it.  The holidays were so hectic this year,  neither of us ever quite got a handle on them, so we scrambled last night to find time to meet up today.  It was the first time we’d been to their new condo; Andy and Melissa’s fiance Paul played video games while she and I caught up and talked crazy schedules, wedding planning, and setting up a home.

I’m so vicariously excited for her; I loved the weeks and months after getting our first “together” home, shopping for home accents and art and kitschy kitchen accessories, and I loved the anticipation of being legally married, of being “official.”  I sometimes regret that those days of milestones are over; I own a home, I’m married, I have a kid, a full-time job.  All those big, celebratory moments are behind me.  I’m sure there are other things to look forward to, but nothing on par with the life-changing, earth-shaking significance of those events.  I feel like, in some ways, I just didn’t savor those moments the way I should have.  I hope she does.  I hope she wrings every bit of anticipatory joy and excitement out of this.

It’s a little concerning how easy it is to let things like working out and seeing friends — things that are so important for my overall well-being — fall by the wayside.  And the strangest thing is, I can’t even tell you what they were sacrificed for.  What was I filling my time with instead?  Nothing important, or memorable, or fulfilling — scrolling through my Twitter feed or watching old episodes of Great British Bake-off.  It feels good to reassert some sense of priority.  I’m certainly not going to get off the internet or stop watching my cute, calming baking show, but it’s good to remember that those are the things that should fill in the gaps of my life, not be the entirety of my life.

Tomorrow I’m hoping to have a fairly low-key day.  On the docket is working more on my micro pen project, reading, and hopefully getting a few more sessions of Sign Language Review done before I resume my regular lessons.  I’ve been sitting on that far too long.

Hope you all have had a relaxing Saturday.

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