This was a rather haphazard sketch today, as I was balancing the laptop on my lap (where I had the reference picture on my browser), my paper on top of that, and my son literally bouncing on the seat beside me asking me one-hundred-and-one questions about Pokemon (all of which, I am one hundred percent certain, he already knew the answer to). This was supposed to reflect a more fearful expression; I feel like maybe it’s a good representation of trepidation or hesitation, but not so much fear, per se. Still, I have three more days left in my Week of Eyes, so I think I’m going to try surprise, laughter, and sadness/crying for the last three attempts. Noses will be next, because I struggle with them like nobodies business and I desperately need the practice.
I hit a milestone to cross something off of my bucket list; I earned the Amazon credit I planned to use to buy my binder, but now I’m feeling strangely nervous about it. It’s probably my natural anxiety about things, but I feel like lately I’ve just been reading a lot of cautionary pieces about wearing binders (and of course, there are safety precautions to be taken, and most of them boil down to make sure you take a break, listen to your body, don’t keep wearing them if they hurt, make sure they’re the right size for you, etc.), but it leaves me uneasy. It wouldn’t be for full-time use (I wouldn’t be binding everyday anyway), but it would be nice to have for the days when I just don’t feel femme at all.
I have enough other non-binary and trans friends that I feel like I should just ask, though most of them are more casual acquaintances (conventions friends and such) and I would feel slightly awkward asking them directly. I might just scream into the void on Facebook and see if anyone offers up anything useful. I’ve been doing some reading, but I always feel more reassured (or more persuaded) when people I know personally give me their own takes on these things.
Tomorrow is Monday. Take a breath, take a bath, read a book, have a drink. The week is full of possibilities, and you get to decide how to approach it. Best of luck.