Settling in with Exhaustion

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I don’t talk about my work online, because I work at a public high school and even barring the very real rules and regulations we have regarding information we can divulge, I also simply don’t like discussing work publicly.  Suffice it to say, I honestly and unabashedly love my job, and my students, and my coworkers, and know how unbelievably privileged I am in that regard, but today was hell for reasons completely removed from my students or fellow staff.

I was literally reduced to a shaking, sweating, heart-pounding wreck by a series of increasingly uncooperative copy machines.  Oh my God, it was the most frustrating thing I’ve experienced in a long time.  I have very little patience for technology; its sole purpose is supposed to be in service of making our jobs easier, and when it massively fails in what is literally its only purpose — and not only fails, but actually accomplishes the exact opposite and infinitely complicates and hinders my ability to do my job — I get pissed.

I’m generally a fairly laid-back person at work; I mean, I have anxiety, but that’s an internal issue, and is not affected by nor does it majorly affect how I interact with students.  Sometimes students frustrate me, sure, but generally, 1. I can reason with them and usually come to some sort of understanding; 2. I remember what it was like being a teenager, and know not to take any of their obstinance or attitude personally; 3. I understand that they have an internal life that I am not privy to, and generally accept that any behaviors they exhibit are a result of them sorting through and processing their thoughts and emotions (in other words, I get that they are probably Going Through Some Shit, and I have empathy).

The copiers get none of that leeway.  Just print my documents, for Christ’s sake.  It is literally your sole purpose.  Geez.

But no.  Today they jammed on literally. every. document. Every. single. sheet.

For almost an hour.  Guys, I was livid.

But it’s over.  Ugh.  My assignment for tomorrow keeps me far, far from any of the tech that was the bane of my existence today, and by the end of tomorrow, I will have basically crested the highest hill on the road to Mid-Winter Break.  I think I’ll make it.

Tonight I’ve gathered my microns and am going to start inking and continue sketching the micron piece I’ve been holding out on, and probably begin the sketch for a subsequent one.  I’m really interested lately in drawing really mundane scenes, as I’m sure a few of you may have noticed — someone listening to music, someone reading a book (this one is someone sewing; the next is someone brushing their teeth).  I don’t know why, but it feels very satisfying to populate their environments with trinkets and tchotchkes, bits and baubles.  It gives me the same little voyeuristic thrill I used to get reading people’s personal LiveJournals, or driving by a house at night where the shades were drawn open, catching the blades of the ceiling fan casting shadows across the room in the blue light of a TV set to a channel I didn’t recognize, or catching the retreating silhouette of someone carrying trays of food into the kitchen.  I’m sure I will tire of it soon, and in the greater scheme of things, I mean, does it carry any artistic merit?

Who knows.  But it’s fun.  And sometimes I’m allowed to make art that’s just for me.

Tomorrow is Tuesday.  Keep on keeping on.

2 thoughts on “Settling in with Exhaustion

    1. We are not officially allotted a limited number of copies, but there has definitely been some emails about our paper use.

      This wasn’t even where I work proper; we do work off-site with the kids and these were copy machines that I have no control over (no idea who to even complain to) and that I am totally unfamiliar with (don’t know any of their idiosyncrasies to try and finagle them).

      Today I was on a totally different assignment and it was a far more easy-going morning. I’m not officially scheduled for anything involving the copiers for the next several weeks, but there is always the chance that that could change!

      Liked by 1 person

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