I’m having one of those days where I want to take on everything, but wind up doing nothing. That stagnation that results from having too many things to do rather than nothing at all.
Today hasn’t been a total bust; I’ve wrapped up a few small projects and got brainstorming on a few others. But I’m ping-ponging around from one to the other like crazy – I get no sustained momentum on any of them, just fits and spurts and sudden bursts of activity for each one in succession.
Every once in a while I have to get up and pace, because I’ve lost focus, but not drive. It’s maddening.
Sometimes I think these moments would be less frustrating if I had an infinite (well, infinite-within-our-finiteness) well of time from which to draw. If I had no other obligations – no job to get to, no chores to do – then I could just ricochet endlessly from project to project and maybe, eventually, see some of them through to fruition.
I know that I mentioned in my last bookhaul post that post-vacation, the nascent habits – which, honestly, had very, very little time to really take root – had essentially shriveled and died. That wasn’t totally unexpected – it was too early in their development for them to survive such a massive upheaval as what wound up being an incredibly whirlwind week 1,300 miles away from home.
That being said, though, all the scaffolding is still here and still in place – I have my checklists, and a household that is still in decent (not perfect, but decent) shape, and there remains no excuse not to just jump back on the bandwagon. Tonight I go back to my Good Night routine, and tomorrow I’ll wake up to my Good Morning checklist. I also have a Breakfast, Lunch, and Snack planner (that I haven’t yet posted, but will once I pretty it up bit) that I plan to start using to get me back on track eating right, and I spent a good chunk of the weekend at the gym.
So – Food and Exercise, back on track. Habits, on their way back on track. Cleaning, well, we’re close; we’re getting there.
So now it’s time to try to tackle some Creative stuff.
Ages and ages ago, on a now defunct site known as SuperViva, I was introduced to the idea of Bucket Lists – the things you want to do before you, well, kick the bucket. Since then, across various services, on various websites, and in various pen-and-paper planner, I’ve been jotting lists of “someday” goals.
And then just, not doing them. Like, at all.
You know the one time I kept a bucket list and actually made significant progress on several of my goals? When I kept it on LiveJournal, and had actual people actually reading the entries, seeing the progress (or lack thereof), and holding me accountable.
So I decided to make and post one, here and now. The link to the bucket list is here (it will also be linked in the nav menu!) It’s not full of crazy or extraordinary items – just real things, big and small, that I’d like to accomplish or make progress on.
One of the things on that (sure to be ever-growing) list is to send and receive mail from all 50 states – it’s a goal that combines my love for hoarding small trinkets, and for making handmade cards and care packages. It’s something that’s creatively fulfilling, because I get to mix, match, and make little pieces of art, and emotionally fulfilling because I know the person receiving that mail is going to love receiving a piece of real mail amidst the bills and advertisements.
So I went and resurrected my old profile on my favorite snail mail trading site, and found the first profile that seemed appealing – a woman in Texas who loves stickers, uplifting quotes, elephants, and bullet journalling.
It is perhaps not the most artistic or creative piece of mail I’ve ever sent out, but after several years on hiatus, hey, I’m pleased with it. It got me pawing through my craft stuff (which is the first step towards getting actual ~⋆crafty⋆~ ideas), and I know it will put a smile on the recipient’s face – and honestly, that’s the whole point.
Feels good to be doing something creative again. Hopefully this, like everything else, can be developed into an actual part of my lifestyle, and not just something I keep swearing I’ll do “someday.”
I have trouble compartmentalizing my life. I guess it makes some sense; in some ways, the different threads of my life weave together in a really obvious, organic way. The state of my home, for instance, affects how stressed I feel, which affects my sleep, which affects my work performance, which affects my feelings of self-worth, etc. etc., but by the same token, struggling slightly or hitting a stumbling block in one area shouldn’t completely waylay my progress in any given other.
But it often does. This is a continuing issue I need to work on – dusting myself off after a set back, moving forward, and forgiving myself for stumbling. But it’s also very much an internal struggle that is not the focus of this entry, though I do imagine I will write about it, eventually and possibly extensively.
But right now, I’m still in the early stages of macro-organization: just establishing a routine for the most mundane, bare-bones, most-people-don’t-think-twice-about-these-things aspects of my life. Checklists to make sure I take a shower, pick out my clothes, brush my teeth, get a good meal in, do my chores, and have a chance to have some creative/restorative time to myself. As I’ve said before, having to lay out many of those things probably seems ridiculous to some people, but for me, I need to see it written down in black and white and be able to check it off to ensure it gets done.
I used my checklists for the first time today. It was not a perfect first outing; my “wake up at 5:30” didn’t get checked off (I woke up at 6:05), but hey – I did morning pages. Nothing, sadly, got checked off under Get Moving, but I glanced at the list – pinned to the fridge – as I prepped breakfast, and I downed a big glass of water to start the day. And, I remembered everything I needed to bring to work, including earbuds and a book (which I always forget) that made the two hour-plus-long waits that bookend my work shift infinitely more enjoyable.
So, not perfect. But without those lists? So much worse. I’d have been plagued with morning breath, dehydrated, stressed out, and bored, all before one pm. I’d say Day One was a success, in that, the system works. The system made my day objectively better.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a whole extensive history there – which, again, I will share eventually – that is not going to be suddenly resolved with schedules and checklists; internal struggles and issues that will take time and support to overcome.
But my usual pitfalls – not being able to “find time” to exercise, not having a plan for any given meal, not having healthy snacks on hand (whether I’m home or out and about), not looking at restaurant menus ahead of time to be informed of options – these are all things that can be, at the very least, helped with some thoughtful planning to create useful resources.
Wish me luck. I’ve now got an indication that this system is effective, so I’m hopeful.