Back to Reality

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I arrive back from Arisia 2020 tired, inspired, and more than a little bit down; post-con letdown/blues/depression/hangover/whatnot is real, and it is potent.  I had a wonderful time, and after seeing Bear interact with various peers (and even older children and adults this year), I have big hopes that next year he will be able to qualify for Fast Track, which would give he and I both a greater measure of independence at the convention.

Bear has also decided that he wants to be a Masquerade participant next year in the Young Fan Division, and I am feeling a stronger and stronger pull to apply to be a panelist next year, so I have grand hopes that Arisia 2021 will be epic… but it hurts, just a little, knowing that it’s a whole year away.

Back to work tomorrow.  I’ll do a quick rundown of the con, including the things I’ve been pondering in it’s wake, and what it’s motivated and inspired me to do and consider.  It was a productive year, and I have lots of hope and excitement for both my fannish and creative projects going forward in the near future.

But just for tonight, I think I’ve earned some junk food, a big margarita, and a good (mostly metaphorical) cry into a pillow before I’m forced back into the Real World tomorrow morning.

Hope your weekends have been restful and rewarding.

Tonight

Tonight, I opt to do nothing.  No, not even a daily sketch.

Tomorrow is going to be a whirlwind.  Up at 6 am, I’ve got to cut my hair (it’s so convenient when you’re hairstyle is buzzed, super-short undercut), clean the house, drop Bear off at school, hit the gym, shop for food for the hotel stay (hotel food is ridiculously priced), finish packing, pick Bear up, and head to my mom’s — all before 11:45.

I’m thrilled for this weekend.  Conventions always serve to rekindle my desire to be creative, but it’s only recently that I’ve begun to cultivate creativity as a part of my everyday life, so I’m looking forward to seeing what the added boost of inspiration does for what is already semi-regular output.

And can I talk about how glad I am that I’ve moved past that seemingly endless stretch of procrastination and stagnation?  I still have a long way to go towards being a prolific creator, but at least I’ve gotten to the point that I’m doing something creative, or something to further a creative endeavor, just about every day.  I’m sketching, I’m starting drawings, I’m planning paintings.  For the longest time, the furthest I got along in a creative project was to lament that I had no ideas or motivation.  That I couldn’t find the time to sit and work.

The latter is still sometimes a struggle, but it’s gotten so, so much better.

I’m so excited for the Art Show; I love seeing what other people are doing, and getting ideas for other themes or subjects to explore in my own stuff.  It gives me something to aspire to.

Work today lasted forever, and it wasn’t even a bad day — it was actually a pretty good day, all told — it was just one of those days when you know you have something desirable coming up and you just want to get things over with.  I did some review on my ASL lessons between sitting exams with kids (I’m up to Lesson 12, after a long period of stagnation at Lesson 10), and popped into the party the vocational program head hosted for our main internship site.  It was a good turn out, and so nice to see the kids and catch up with some of the staff in the Excel program, which I was a part of last year.  All in all, it felt like a well-spent day, but in the back of my mind, there was that constant, niggling reminder that I had a four-day weekend and a con waiting for me at the end of the day.

Depending on the wi-fi situation, and my daily con schedule, I may pop in to say hi, or it might be radio silence until Tuesday.  Either way, I hope you all have fantastic weekends.

Sunday, (Fan)day

My daily sketch:

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Not happy with this sketch; I actually generally dislike all the human figures I draw (which is why I’m trying to make it a priority to draw more of them, because I need the practice).  My biggest issue, as I’ve said, is proportion, and, going sort of hand-in-hand with that, perspective.  I have trouble conceptualizing forms in space in the abstract, so I absolutely have to have a reference photo, and because my sense of proportion is off, it never ends up resembling the reference and I end up just feeling discouraged.  I hate how hard it is for me to be okay with not being good at drawing things; this was, again, a sketch I wanted to sort of sweep under the rug.  I’m not.  I’m owning it.  And I’m going to draw more and more human figures, because that’s the only way I’ll get better.

I was excited to see, when the schedule went live tonight, that Arisia is having a few “figure drawing” panels/workshops; the timing really seems like kismet, given my resolve as of late to get better at art.  One of them will actually be the first panel I attend on Friday night, and I’m excited.

Actually, I’m excited the Arisia schedule went live, full stop.  This is late for them, and I’m thrilled by some of the panels and offerings.  I don’t think I’ve mentioned it yet on this iteration of the blog but I’m intensely interested in fandom culture, and I’ve been attending fan conventions for eleven years.  Arisia is, by and far, the favorite of the cons I’ve ever been to.  This is my seventh Arisia, and I’m just as excited as the first year.

Today was oddly Arisia-centric.  Along with going to the gym (and woo, what a workout that was), my only foray out of the house today was to Savers, to try to round-up the necessary accouterments to put together a Crowley cosplay.  Good Omens was a huge fandom for me in the summer of 2019, so much so that I had a Good Omens-centric Tumblr and read more fic in that one fandom over the summer than I’ve read in all my fandoms over the prior six months, I kid you not.  I was lucky enough to be gifted his sunglasses over the holidays, and thought it’d be relatively easy to find the other pieces —  grey slacks, a vest, a blazer.

Sadly, it was not.  I might try again next week, but I’m not going to pretend I’m not a bit discouraged.  I don’t do cosplay generally, I just don’t have the time or the money (or really, the inclination in general, though I do love cosplay-watching at cons, and have deep respect for talented cosplayers), but Crowley, I don’t know.  Crowley was special to me.  I gorged myself on Crowley-centric fic over the summer, particularly the “Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell” and “Genderfluid Crowley” tags over on AO3, and I was really looking forward to putting together something for the con.  Maybe I still have a chance.  We’ll see.

Back to work tomorrow, and Bear’s first day back at school.  I’m almost done my micron pen piece, so I might work on it and possibly finish it tonight.  It’s not perfect, but I’m still thrilled with how it’s come along.

Here’s to a good work week.