I’ve not yet done any of my creative exercises for the day. Instead, I took a mental health day¹ and have spent the day sorting through those things around the house that have been most negatively contributing to my mental load and upping my anxiety, i.e., my filthy sheets, the backlog of laundry, the mess in the kitchen, etc. In between, I have been making it a point to do some more recreational self-care, and have been comfort listening to my favorite podcasts (particularly a previously named one which I will not name again because I found out the host I have a massive crush on has a Google Alert set up of the name of said podcast, and I am fucking mortified), watching some YouTube videos, and contemplating the future of (my personal) social media.
I have gone through so many iterations of this blog. Just, so many. I started out as a creative writing blog where not a lot of creative writing happened (save during challenge months, like NaPoWriMo, OctoPoWriMo, or the April A-to-Z Challenge), and quickly grew disinterested because I couldn’t sustain enough focus to regularly write (or even write about writing). Then I shifted gears to being an ADHD blog, which, while it felt good to have a place to unload about the struggle of trying to get a diagnosis as a nominally functional adult, and how it affects my creativity and self-image, it felt like I was essentializing something that I really only saw as an increasingly small part of who I was, especially as I began to make (small, but important) strides in overcoming it in my creative life.
I feel like I’m finally starting to come into my own, now that I’ve abandoned the idea of having a branded blog; I feel like returning to a more personal, “best of late-90s LiveJournal” sort of blogging — where I can share my creative work, but also post about anything that happens to be on my mind while connecting with like-minded individuals — is the best thing that’s happened to my blogging since I returned to the medium. The fact that I’ve posted more since December 24th than I had in the previous two years on this platform combined is a testament to that.
That being said, I’ve started to think about my other social media networks, and becoming more active on them.
I deleted my Twitter — which had 930 followers — in November, when I realized I had no connections with anyone I was following, or anyone following me. Most of the blogs I was following were branded accounts doing primarily self-promotion (which, for what it’s worth, I am in no way trying to shame. It’s just not the purpose for which I personally use Twitter, and I don’t think I was the “right” audience for those accounts, either). I want to follow people who use Twitter more for personal purposes — the quick thoughts and updates not quite worthy of a full blog entry. Overheard quotes and non-sequiturs. Social commentary (original or reblogged). Jokes. The best of Comedy Twitter™. Just, a more personal experience, not a “brand” one. If this sounds like your Twitter, please let me know. I follow from @rarelytidymind.
YouTube feels much the same; I used to sporadically do vlogs for “events,” like NaNowWriMo (I even participated in more than one group vlog channel during various Novembers) and I am obsessed with personal vlog channels. I don’t think I could ever tie myself down to one and only one vlog topic, but I’m especially interested in starting a vlog for kid’s books with my son, and I would love to see other people’s YouTube channels where they do more personal-style vlogs. Again, if you use YouTube as a platform to share… whatever, please let me know. You might recognize the idea of starting an active vlog channel as one of my bucket list goals. Well, now feels like as good of a time as any.
Back to chores. I hope to be back with my Daily Nose (man, that sounds weird) and maybe some progress on my latest micron drawing (which has stalled out at a very early stage).
Mondays, am I right? Getting going is always hard. It’s all easier from here on out.
¹ Which I feel guilty and anxious about, which sort of obliquely helps to solidify my reasoning for needing a mental health day in the first place (like, the days are mine, I shouldn’t feel bad for needing to take one?) Also, sort of related, but I’ve been spending a ton of time on my feet at work lately, and my hips have not stopped hurting for the last two weeks, and shit, I think I’m getting old.